Play park, beach, car park, toilets, cafe ... who needs the Bahamas? (send discarded tickets/holiday voucher to me!)
Here's the start (and finish), a line from the groyne to the sea - you'll be going left/south
Splish splash all the way to the end and around a marshal. You may need to zig zag to avoid a submersion. Road, off road, trail shoes ... or wellies?
It's further than you think
Across the shingle and get ready for the roller coaster golf course
It's a terminal moraine, if you're interested. Not flat AT ALL!
So let's start with your first hill of the race - it won't be your last.
Along the golf course, avoiding shanked balls!
Ooooh that St Bees Head is getting closer. Ooooh it looks steep.
CAREFUL down the rickety steps, onto the shingle to the right of the groyne and back onto the beach. I'm sure we started here!
Stride, jump or climb down between the 2 groynes
Soft, soggy, uneven ground - my favourite
All the way along the beach to the base of St Bees Head, sort of.
To the last/most northerly groyne actually - avoiding the tourists who'll be flocking here for the summer sun - hmmmmm.
Do I really have to run up it - no, you can walk, or crawl, or hop!!!
Hard right around the groyne. Is that a 1 in 6 slope ahead?
Across this excuse for a stream and to that sign post that signals the start of ... THE CLIMB!!!
Yep, up that path - BE CAREFUL!!!
Up, up and away on my beautiful ... err ... trainers?
Have a rest and enjoy the view ... as everyone else burns on past.
The long slog up the head, past the Lollipop man.
The top! the top! I've made it and both lungs are still inside me.
No time to rest though. Up those steps and off we go - we even arranged a downhill section for you.
What's that in the distance? I've got a bad feeling about this.
Fast, dowhill and what a view, all the way to Fleswick Bay.
Stay on the left and don't fall over.
What's that Louie? Timmy's trapped under the slab?
Careful down the steps into Fleswick Gorge ... and no surprises, don't cross the gorge but run uphill instead.
Through the right hand gate and straight up - the left hand gate is for returning Beast Battlers only.
At the top of the gorge, hook a right to the muddy track. What muddy track?
This one of course!!! All the way to the end.
Beauty Chasers, head straight for that stile, over it and back (up hill of course). You are more than halfway now. Beast Battlers - you are going almost to the stile ... and then left ...
UP NEIL'S LEGENDARY HILL OF HORROR!!! See the top?
That ain't the top, it's the top of this bottom ... see that top ... (you know where this is going, don't you!)
It ain't the top either!!! No wonder the SAS plan to holiday here next year.
Ha, this is the top - finally!!! Dent, Skiddaw, Everest in the distance. Now turn left along the hedge.
Along field boundary and track to the telecoms mast ... and the water station.
Hopefully there won't be snow in May.
Pretty! the lovely Lakeland fells ... somewhere under those storm clouds.
Almost there ... I can smell the water!!!
If everything goes to plan, there will be a water station here. It'll be so nice you'll pass it twice.
This is the tarmac section, and that's Old Stumpy, the little lighthouse that could, away in the distance. Just ignore that road climbing upto it ...
Zigzag through this farm, opening and closing gates and then up that hill - oh goody!
Sharp turn through the farm, left then right through that gate.
It's like a ski slope, except there's no snow and you are going the wrong way.
Either it's for very short ships or they ran out of money building it. Through the gate on the right.
All the way down to the white gate. First time you go right. Second time you go left. NO CHEATING!
That's Whitehaven, Maryport and Scotland in the distance.
This section has a few BE CAREFUL moments but its all good clean fun ... unless it rains.
Dare you go up here? Looks like Legolas and Gimli should be running down it towards you.
More of the cliffs we promised you. DON'T GO DOWN THERE!
All along the field boundary. No surprise, it's still up hill.
The St Bees red sandstone quarry. You go around its right edge, through the bungalows (not literally) and take the road to the right.
Told you it wasn't THROUGH the bungalows, silly! Through the gate and then right.
Along this bit of tarmac
Heading back up to the telecoms mast.
Another hill? No wonder they call it the Beast. Water station at the top and then lighthouse and on to the white gate, but going left and on the way back.
Here's a picture of it and the hill in case you blanked it out.
White gate, turn left. More mud, uneven surface, and I haven't even mentioned the rhinoceros.
St Bees Head!!! Boy was she ugly - look at the nose on that.
Be VERY careful going down into Fleswick Bay. Stupid dog, you're going the wrong way!
The gorge from the north side. There's Neil's Hill you now hate as well. Along the path, over the stream and repeat the muddy track, but now you're back with the Beauty Chasers and only 3 klicks from home.
Back along the fast section, slightly uphill.
Slightly to very slippery.
Handbrake turn left onto the windy bit. Why is there always a puddle full of mud next to a stile? Do they sell them together in the brochure?
This is your last uphill - HONEST!!!
Top of the head - Only a fast klick to go.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Is that ... is that ... THE FINISH I see before me? Come, let me clutch thee!
More Viet Cong death stairs - tired legs should be very careful!
If there is more water than this, you have taken too long
CHARGE!!!
Mustn't trip over the steps in front of the crowds.
Right around this hillock thing, left around the groyne and run like hell to the finish!!! Hurrah!!! I've made it. Where do I collapse?
The very posh lifeboat station - our base of operations!
